Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Bit Of Humor

Some time ago, I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine who was discovering the martial art of Aikido. Aikido, as some of you may know, is a martial art that uses the force of the opponent against himself. My friend explained to me that the Atonement might be seen in the light of Aikido. Jesus, he pointed out, used the power of Death against itself in order to defeat it. Aikido, in a sense, was like "Jesus Karate", the way of the perfect Master.

Going home that night, the phrase "Jesus Karate" kept stirring in my small brain, and as it stirred, flashes of insight enlightened my feeble mind. A script, as it were, appeared in letters of flaming gold, and I quickly transcribed the vision I had seen pass in front of me. This is what I recorded:

COOL CHRISTIAN PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS:

Jesus Christ Ninja Master!

SCENE 12: High Noon at the Temple

A single beam of light shines on the re-imagined Jedi-like rabbinical robes of Jesus. He flickers one eye open and we see the crowd of black clad high priests facing him down, stones at ready.

JESUS: Before Abraham was, I am!

CAIAPHAS: Bring him to me...

A thousand stones fly through the air, and Jesus leaps crane like, running on top of the moving projectiles to the altar/throne of Caiaphas. Overturning tables, Jesus is confronted by THE TEMPLE GUARD, an armored force of samurai like warriors with swords at ready. The money bags fly up from the tables. Coins spill as Jesus blocks every sword move with perfection incarnate. He touches the TEMPLE GUARD with the most gracious ease and the warriors are blown back as if from an explosion.

Jesus lands before the altar throne and a single bead of blood drips from his nose.

JESUS: You have made my father's house a den of thieves!

Caiaphas cackles insanely, his black robes blood stained. A helpless lamb moans behind him on the altar. The High Priest tears his robe, revealing a massive physique, and Caiaphas' long cruel beard blows in the wind.

CAIAPHAS: If your are the Son of God... bring it!

JESUS: You do not know what you ask. Can you drink the cup I shall drink?

CAIAPHAS: It is better for one man to die than for the people to perish!

JESUS: Father forgive them, for they know not what they do...

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